Core Desired Feelings

It’s amazing how much of our true desires are hidden under our goals.

For much of my life, I wanted to be seen. I thought being important would give me that, so I completed a degree that gave me the title Dr. and became a professor by the age of 24. Ten years into my career with lots of accomplishments and several awards, I didn’t feel any more recognized.

What really made me feel seen, was when I started a blog after my son was born. Sharing my vulnerable truth over and over, while being witnessed by others. Writing healed me, and sharing my truth made me feel alive.

The reason I never acknowledged this before was because it went against so much of my cultural conditioning. Being Indian is all about looking good on the outside without any attention to what one is feeling on the inside. We go to great lengths to hide pain.

It was really hard to share stories about my raw feelings. I felt like I was betraying my family and my self-esteem had been built on image not vulnerability. However, through my blog, I finally started to feel free. I no longer needed to wear these masks and this gave me a lot of inner-peace.

So when it comes to New Years, we don’t set goals in my house. Instead, we dig deep on what it is that we really want. We use the support of Earth based wisdom, to guide us through various rituals, because there’s something to Nature’s rhythm.

The week of Winter Solstice, at a time when it’s darkest, we do a year review and let go of what did not serve us that year. This creates space for something new to come in. For example, last year, what didn’t work for me was trying to help people who did not want to be helped. I wrote a letter to my savior complex and burned it. Interestingly, as I was doing this, someone sent me a text message. They asked me to MC a writing event at my favorite cafe. Hosting open mic’s to support people sharing their creativity is a desire of mine and it came to me. I didn’t have to push to make it happen.

This is the power of letting go, and there is even more in naming what you REALLY want. We do this by tuning in to our desires. We don’t do this from our mind, we do this from our heart. We use the audio workbook, Desire Map by Danielle Laporte. She does Mind Yoga, by asking questions. This helps you drop into your feelings because that’s where you discover soul desires. Most people set goals to feel a certain way. This process flips that, by feeling first and then making plans.

We are still working through this process for 2017 because according to the lunar calendar, the New Year is at the end of January. I love spreading it over a few days as it gives more time for authentic desires to drop into your consciousness. For example, the other night I woke up in the middle of the night with the word trust.

Last year my core-desired feelings were:

Whenever I feel off, I look at these feelings and ask myself, which one do I want to feel now? This gives me clarity, so I can make a conscious choice instead of reacting on autopilot, with unhealthy habits.

Depending on how you were raised, desires can feel like the opposite of being holy. However, it is my experience that authentic desires are divine desires. I believe these desires are placed in your heart by the all-mighty because through your joy and peace and creative expression, God is served.

-Sweta Chawla